Is the supermarket actually some sort of time vortex?

So yesterday evening we lost around 2 hours in a well known large supermarket! I mean, it has happened before, one of my besties and I genuinely lost 4 hours in a supermarket several years back! We had no idea how, I think it’s because we lived in a village with no big supermarkets nearby and so a trip to visit one was a whole day event. I don’t even think we left with very much and doubtfully any food, probably just a pizza if anything!

Anyways, this was not one of those times! This time was just me and two under fives! A trip to the toy shop preceded the supermarket, and so we started out with far too large toys in hand. We had already spent 20 minutes sitting in the toy shop car park attempting to rip all the packaging from the toddler Aurora doll, (Even her hair was stitched to the box! This is weird no?!*), and building this flimsy spiderman heli-seat that shoots some sort of harpoon thing and falls apart way too easily.

We’d negotiated the very heavy traffic that had built up in the time we’d spent in the car park, with small boy under strict instructions not to harpoon the driver or his sister, and parked up at the supermarket.

After a good five minutes of collecting together all the bits and climbing back in and out of the car enough times for the car wash guys to ask us three times if we wanted our car done, thinking we were new arrivals, we finally made it into the shop, albeit minus a section of the heli-seat/weapon launcher.

First stop toilets. Of course. Which had some sort of hideous damp problem and smelt far worse then usual. Which the kids were keen to take great notice of with lots of exaggerated nose holding and dissolving into hysterical giggles each time one of them declared at top volume; ‘POOOOEEEEY’, much to the amusement of all the people that came in and out in the ridiculously long time it took us to get small boy to wee, wash hands, dry hands and leave.

I’d decided to get them dinner out as I quite frankly could not be bothered to cook, we had, (still have!), no food in and hubby is away and so not here to nag about wasteful spending!

(Please don’t judge me when I tell you that they had a pasta and sauce dish with microwave steamer veg in for dinner the night before, (which they wolfed down actually!), and cheese slice toasties for lunch. I promise to get my act together! Next meal we will be having 8 veg stew with homemade dumplings. Oh fine, that is rubbish, I will just try and take them somewhere healthier! 😉 )

So we headed for the cafe. The food was actually really nice. The children ate well, but then the silliness kicked in half way through eating. Singing songs made up of random rude words, (luckily these are not actual rude words but ones they have invented, so only I knew how naughty they thought they were being!), snorting, blowing raspberries, showing off for the next table as they had  made the big mistake of laughing at something they did. Which I’m sure they regretted deeply about 10 minutes of annoying children behaviour later!

After food we went to get a basket. It then became apparent that we would not be able to get any food in the basket with big girl’s armfuls of stuff occupying it. Then small boy needed one for his toys, grotty napkin and half eaten apple. So we began our shop with 3 baskets. Which they couldn’t carry, and were also using to crash into each other.

Finally made it to the kiddy clotheing aisle and had just started flicking through the sale rack when small boy announces that he needs a poo. Now. So back to the toilets we go. With a repeat of the nose holding palaver from before obviously.

On our way back to the clothes, small boy is struggling so much with his basket that he is dragging it across the floor with some extreme huffing and puffing sound effects. A very kind man on the tills offers to put the baskets back for the kids, he isn’t even phased by the grotty napkin and apple, offering to bin them for us. (It turned out they weren’t finished with however. Small boy decided to finish the apple on his walk through the shop, depositing the core in the basket to get sandwiched between the new school t-shirts I’d picked up for big girl, ok and a few other bits for them, they were soo cheap, ready to roll out on the conveyor belt later on, much to the horror of the poor check out lady.)

Big girl had a pretty fierce battle with her inner stubborn streak but eventually decided to hand over her basket too, the overwhelming discomfort beating her need to not admit that I may have been right and it was too heavy for her to carry round. So I ended up with one basket, full of both kids’ toys, an apple core and soon a pile of few clothes.

Once we’d negotiated our way back across the store, touching things, looking at toys, stopping dead in front of each other, singing, dancing and generally doing everything they were asked not to, I resume my browse of the vital school items. (Ahem, read; beautiful sale items at such good prices! 😀 )

After approximately 30 seconds, big girl looks at me in a certain way and I know exactly what is coming.

‘Oh no!’

‘But Mummy’

‘No!’

‘I’m desperate’

I was not having it, I know it sounds mean but please consider the fact that in the toilet not ten minutes before, I had asked her no less then three separate times if she needed to go. Each time I was met by a resounding no. So my sympathy was a little low, my temper a tad frayed and my patience was already out sitting in the car in a strop.

Despite this, I am not evil so I did abandon the clothing idea and rush us off to get the milk and bread we actually needed. Although I then had to return there to put back the clothes items she had ‘thought I’d wanted her to have’, loosing small boy in the process. Luckily he was magnetized to a rack of superhero dvds and fairly easy to find, mostly because he was bellowing his sister’s name repeatedly and incredibly loudly as he wanted her to admire the spiderman film he’d found.

On the way to the milk aisle, small boy managed to trip over nothing and fall landing on his forehead. I have no idea how he manages these things. So I’m carrying him wailing, a red lump forming already, a large basket overflowing in the other hand with a daughter bouncing along beside me telling me earnestly how if a little comes out in her knickers it is ok. However, whenever we pass anything that is interesting to her, like cake, she miraculously forgets all about this so called sudden urgency!

Finally we get to the till, we pay, after apologizing profusely about the apple, get to the door……and big girl remembers about the toilet. Back we go, more nose holding hilarity ensues. Finally we can leave, lucky we had to go back really, considering we’d left a vital component of spiderman’s gyro thingy at the checkout and the lady called us over on the way past to return it. Very kind of her really, not holding an apple related grudge!

Thankfully the chocolate buttons I’d bought for ‘pudding’ worked as a fantastic bribe and we all made it back to the car in one piece with no tears, me leading the way, shaking the packets in front of them to keep them moving forward.

The one way to ensure full attention is on you and your hideously behaved offspring is bubblegum pink hair by the way! Guaranteed that people will remember you and grin when they pass you in the aisles after having seen your children doing very extreme arm waving in the loo with pinched closed noses and at one point lying on the floor playing peekaboo with their sister as she sat on the toilet. (I am not normally so easy going with hygiene but this was third visit, we’d been there so long I’d lost all track of time and by now I’d totally given up! 😀 )

*Afterthought re the doll packaging, I really wish now that I had left her crown stitched to her hair after the four billionth time of having to put it back on her head, usually when I am right in the middle of doing something that needs both hands!!

'Peekaboo'

‘Peekaboo’

Such a poser sorry!

WIN_20150808_145024

2015-08-07 07.01.06

Such a poser sorry!

10 Comments

  1. Haha I ❤️ the vision of you doing a carrot on a stick trick with chocolate buttons.
    Pink hair babe!

  2. Oooh your hair is fab!Toy packaging – what a blooming nightmare.Sure they do it on purpose to wind the kids up into a frenzy whilst they wait for you to get fed up and just rip the flaming thing open!Great post.Very funny #BabyBrainMonday

  3. Haha this is hilarious! Love your hair! #BabyBrainMonday

  4. Haha – yes, supermarkets are definitely some sort of time vortex! & also love the hair! BabyBrainMonday

    • Thank you! It’s scary, I actually had no idea what the car clock would say, (my phone was broken), as there were no clocks in there. Same principle as the casinos in Vegas maybe?!?! 🙂

  5. Love the hair 😉 and can relate to this post how do you do it with 2 I struggle with 1!! lol! I too use chocolate buttons as bribery … #BabyBrainMondays x

  6. Pingback: Train journeys with kids v train journeys alone. How one is so much better than the other, can you guess which?! | pinkpearbear

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