So, since having children, I have said some things that I never thought I would ever have to say.
This a short and no means comprehensive list.
- Don’t roll that sausage around the floor in your socks.
- You don’t ever put your sandwich on the toilet seat.
- The vet may take the dog’s temperature like that but we don’t EVER take each other’s temperatures in the same way, especially not with your giant toy thermometer, step away from your brother now please.
- You really shouldn’t eat on the toilet while pooing.
- Don’t put your winky in that bottle, it might get stuck.
- Are you sure that you want to eat that garlic bread with your banana and custard? Really?
- Are we going to spend every minute of this walk looking at sheep poo?
- If it’s been in the bath, you can’t eat it anymore.
- I’m ever so sorry, I think my son may have given your daughter a lesson in boy’s anatomy while she was here. (Just in case this is misconstrued in any way, my 3 yo son spent the entirety of my daughters’ play date with a friend who is not blessed,(!!), with a little brother, running round naked and shouting about having a winky. Whilst this is pretty standard practise in our house these days, I suddenly realised how it may sound when recounted at bedtime to a mum who doesn’t have a son!)
- I don’t care if so and so’s mum lets them.
- We don’t stand in the fruit bowl.
- Did you just eat that lip balm? All of it?
- It is a tiny cut, there is no way on this earth I’m phoning you an ambulance.
- Don’t use your toothbrush to brush the dog!!
- It would be nice if we could all wear pants at mealtimes. (Not meaning pants in the American sense, I’m talking about undercrackers, and no, not mine and the hubsters’!)
- Why is the door what? What do you mean, ‘just why is the door?’ that isn’t a proper question. (There are so many variations of this and it’s all far too existential for 8.30am on the school run!)
- Ok, I know I explained to you what a suppository was while we were in the chemist, (don’t ask!!!), but can you please stop going on about it and stop telling your brother with sound effects. Please!
- We never never eat things that we find in the rug!! Why?! Are you seriously asking me that??
I can’t believe that all of these things have come out of my mouth, and what’s more, that I have been in genuine situations where I have had to use them!!! 😀 I would LOVE to hear some of yours!! Do share. 🙂