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When you are ‘just a bit crap’ as a friend!

I have been told in the past that I am great friend, caring, will do anything for my friends, loyal, fun, always there if you need me…a bit like a labrador really!!

They say owners get like their dogs, I think I chose a dog that was like me!! :D

They say owners get like their dogs, I think I chose a dog that was like me!! 😀


Since having kids though, I am ‘just a bit crap’.

Here a few of the things that define my slight crap-ness;

  1. This year, I bought some really beautiful Christmas cards that you colour in yourself. But then I didn’t get round to colouring them in. So I didn’t give anything out at all. Crap!
  2. I say; “I’ll call you back.” and then I don’t. Sometimes for weeks. It genuinely isn’t that I don’t love and care for you, it’s just that the minute I put my phone down, my brain is instantly swamped by whatever reason I hung up for, kids running too close to the edge of the road, massive fight beginning, juice river across the table and I just can’t retain as much information as I used to so I totally forgot what I was doing before said incident. Today I forgot that I was halfway through an online order for about 10 minutes as I got distracted!
  3. I don’t text people back for the same reasons as above. it’s also so damn hard to reply to texts out and about, not that we use the buggy much anymore but trying to text and steer one handed was a nightmare with the buggy veering off left right and centre, and now it’s traumatic trying to stop one or the other child meeting certain death in the road on their two wheels of doom! Then by the time I get home, I’ve forgotten!
  4. I often forget to post things for birthdays, including cards, and Christmas. I forget to order things even. And occasionally I forget to simply text. I am SO sorry. I absolutely promise you it’s not that I don’t love you dearly and it’s not that I’m not thinking about you, it’s just that I’m thinking about something else at that minute, and I’m finding that my brain is getting more and more useless at retaining multiple stands of information. What this week’s show and tell is going to be takes up far more space then it should! (Although I’m often still a bit crap at that, on week, for A and D, I chucked a key ring at her on our way out the door, it was A Dog!)
  5. I often forget things. Really important stuff like significant dates, job interviews, children’s milestones. I always feel terrible when I see something flag up on my whatsapp or facebook and all these super organised remember-y friends posting messages of support or congratulations and feel extra crap. Especially if I’m checking my fb late at night and my crapness is by then so obvious! Then I vow to send a card to make up for it. And we all know what happens there!!

This is by no means a comprehensive list, there are many more ways in which my crap-ness shines through but hopefully now that the kids are getting older and not requiring so much care and attention, I will be back to the land of the labradors, and thank you so much if you’ve put up with this and stuck with me so far, you know who you are, I promise to make it up to you. You know, on some unspecified date in the future!!

The good news is that I am finally emerging, slightly stunned and blinking in the light of normalcy. I’ve even bought a diary, and for once in forever, I’m actually writing stuff in it. And then actually looking at it! This is enormous progress.

Now I just need to find that birthdays book I had and transfer them all to it. I am sure I saw it recently. Within the last year anyway. Or at least since we moved house. Didn’t I?! 😀

So in conclusion, I am just sorting out my shizzle, but if I’m still a bit pants, I’m so sorry, I will be back one day. Properly back, with all the cards on time and everything! Except maybe not Christmas, I’ve always been a bit rubbish at getting them out on time! I’ve decided I’m going to start colouring those gorgeous ones in now, they might get done then!!




  1. February 21, 2016 / 10:45 pm

    lol, I feel like this when it comes to remembering dates and birthdays etc, they say it takes 40 days or 6 weeks to form a new habit so keep going with your diary and you will lock it in as a life long habit! Now I’ve just got to start too! #bigpinklink

    • Pink Pear Bear
      February 22, 2016 / 6:15 am

      That’s really interesting! I will definitely keep it up then!! It is so useful. Thanks for reading. 🙂

  2. February 22, 2016 / 8:09 am

    I think we can all be a bit crap at this with or without kids. I must admit people who don’t text back really annoy me 😉 I’m awful at posting cards & I’ve almost given up buying them. X #bigpinklink life in the Mum’s Lane

  3. February 22, 2016 / 8:38 am

    You sound like me!I am always forgetting to txt people back/send cards/phone. I dint know what date it is half the time so it’s pretty much impossible for me to remember birthdays, thank god for Facebook. I’m sure your friends understand your crapness so don’t worry 🙂 xx #Fartglitter

  4. February 22, 2016 / 8:52 am

    This is me too. If I don’t order, email or message right when I think of it I’ve got no chance. Last minute Moonpigs have saved my butt more than once. And thank heavens for Facebook birthday reminders.


  5. February 22, 2016 / 9:09 am

    Colour-in Christmas cards sound like great fun, but definitely a recipe for not getting them out. Good luck getting them finished by end of year, haha!

  6. February 22, 2016 / 9:12 am

    Haha, I’m just like this. I still have colour in Christmas cards from three years ago! The good thing is that true friends understand your crapness and forgive you for it and when you remember to make that phonecall it is like no time has passed 🙂 #bigpinklink

  7. February 22, 2016 / 9:13 am

    Yep, sounds like me too! My friends have learned that one year they’ll get Xmas cards (really early usually) and birthday cards, then I’ll completely forget the next time!! I’ve given up trying to send birthday cards to all my friends’ little ones as I seriously can’t remember and it’s just way too organised for me to write down the dates… even if I do, I forget to check the calendar. I think most parents will empathise 🙂

  8. February 22, 2016 / 9:22 am

    I am definitely guilty of this too. But good friends understand that friendship is so much more than cards and correspondence.

  9. February 22, 2016 / 9:24 am

    I swear I am already like this and we are only expecting our first!

  10. February 22, 2016 / 9:31 am

    I feel like this too and a lot of my friends don’t have babies yet so I don’t think they understand…they’re time will come I’m sure though and as ours get older, we’ll get better..I hope. #bigpinklink x

  11. February 22, 2016 / 9:41 am

    This is most people with children! I am a rubbish friend, my friends without kids have more or less disowned me but the ones with kids completely understand. We can go months without talking or even a year not seeing each other but we act like it was just a few days ago we saw each other! #bigpinklink

  12. Georgina
    February 22, 2016 / 9:44 am

    Great post, it sounds a lot like me too! I arrange things and totally forget about them 🙁 I’ve bought a family Calender this year, a colum for all of us…two months in and it’s working okay! Still need a personal diary though, thanks for mentioning it X

  13. February 22, 2016 / 9:49 am

    #bigpinklink have found can all be smoothed over with cake and tequila. It’ll all be ok #promise #smoochies

  14. February 22, 2016 / 9:58 am

    I am a rubbish friend. I can do the replying to texts bit (although sometimes I think I have replied when I havent) but because im a bit nuts, im not the most reliable person to make plans with. I cant say if I will be well enough to go out next week or not. As a result my group of friends has dwindled through the years, to a handful who understand what its like to be a nutty/unreliable friend as they have had experience of it too.

  15. February 22, 2016 / 10:01 am

    I’m the same. My head is so filled with dates and events at the kids school that there’s no room for anything else. I didn’t send any cards at Christmas, kept putting it off because I was busy and by the time I remember the lasting posting date has been and gone! Thank heavens for facebook reminding me of peoples birthdays or I’d never send them a message on the day. I use a calendar app for other things…can set it to pop up several reminders beforehand!


  16. February 22, 2016 / 10:06 am

    Aw I’m a bit like this lately life can get so hectic can’t it

  17. February 22, 2016 / 10:08 am

    Haha. this made me smile. I can relate. Its hard to be a good friend when you have kids are start becoming so caught up in the parenting bubble. some days are just a blur and kids are unpredictable and we may not always get around to doing the things we had on our to do list. maybe tomorrow…..thanks for sharing

  18. February 22, 2016 / 10:16 am

    Since becoming a mum i have become a rubbish friend. Its finding time with working all week, my little girl being unwell sometimes and just finding a spare hour to catch up with friends. I think i need to start making more of an effort because you always need your friends and it also gives you a bit more time to be you and not just mummy #bigpinklink

  19. February 22, 2016 / 10:26 am

    This is so true! I always think that you know who your real friends are as neither of you mind when you miss things or aren’t in touch for ages! It is hard keeping on top of it all, if it wasn’t for Facebook reminding me of birthdays I doubt I would remember any! Thanks for hosting #bigpinklink

  20. February 22, 2016 / 10:47 am

    It’s a wonder my friends and I ever see each other as we are just them same. It might explain why it takes 6 months to organise anything! #FartGlitter

  21. February 22, 2016 / 11:13 am

    This is me!!! I wrote a blog about it a while ago (Friendship failures!) as I really am a terrible friend at times! The best thing is, so are most of my friends so we are all rubbish together! Phew! Thanks for hosting! #bigpinklink

  22. February 22, 2016 / 11:15 am

    This is so me! I used to pride myself on remembering birthdays etc but since having children I can barely remember how old I am let alone when my cousin’s child’s birthday is! Thanks for hosting #bigpinklink 🙂

  23. February 22, 2016 / 11:32 am

    I feel like this is exactly where I’ve been the last year or so – unless it’s written in my planner I can’t remember anything which isn’t to do with the baby! Luckily (for me!) my two closest friends have been super busy with work / more uni, so even though they’re child free and I’d normally be the sucky one, we’re all being sucky together for different reasons! x #bigpinklink

  24. February 22, 2016 / 11:35 am

    I’m so glad I’m not the only one! I definitely don’t feel as sharp mentally as I used to – I was getting quite worried about it, but maybe it’s the dreaded Mum Brain! #bigpinklink

  25. February 22, 2016 / 12:01 pm

    great post! I can absolutely relate to this! I’m such a crap friend, especially to my friend who isn’t a parent- must try harder! haha

  26. February 22, 2016 / 1:05 pm

    If you’re a bit crap, I’m awful! I do all the things you list and more. I have the same reasons plus horrible social anxiety that makes me agonise over every message I send (often resulting in me not sending a message) and means I hate talking on the phone. I do still care! Haha.


    • Pink Pear Bear
      February 22, 2016 / 2:22 pm

      Noooo don’t feel bad! You have legitimate reasons!

  27. February 22, 2016 / 2:34 pm

    Im the same and terrible at answering emails and texts in my head….but not actually replying!!

  28. February 22, 2016 / 2:48 pm

    I forget stuff all the time. I have two best friends that live 350 away from from so our only form of communication is Facebook, Words with friends, texting and calling. We don’t get to hang out. All three of us are mothers and all three of us forget to call each other. Sometimes it’s months before we finally remember to call each other but when we do talk it’s like we never left. I don’t send out Christmas cards and birthday cards anymore because I can just send a happy birthday text. It’s easier for us absent minded moms who forget things like birthdays and holidays. I’m still told I’m a good friend though because I’m a great listener and I give great advice apparently so maybe you are still a great friend. It just takes you a little longer to respond because kids kind of take our brains and turn them into mush, lol! Popping over from #thebigpinklink

  29. February 22, 2016 / 3:12 pm

    Ahhh I don’t think you’re crap at all – us Mums are so busy now it’s so easy to forget stuff!! I am the same with texting I forget too!! But like you I have bought a diary and am on the case with organising myself again! xx #bigpinklink

  30. February 22, 2016 / 3:32 pm

    I’m just as crappie as you! Lol! I have fog brain all the time and I can’t seem to come out of it! I am surprised at the fact I’m consistent at blogging. Narcolepsy in my case is no joke and will not only make me forget things but will also make me sleep through things. I say I will call people back but don’t do too and its because I have to reserve that energy for staying awake. It’s a hard life for us moms.

  31. February 22, 2016 / 4:29 pm

    I could have written this, literally word for word. I think I’m now permanently stuck with baby brain, I used to moan that my hubby was forgetful but now its me. I forgot to turn up for a playdate a few weeks ago! #bigpinklink x

  32. Trista, Domesticated Momster
    February 22, 2016 / 5:44 pm

    I feel like I’m reading my own life here. Actually because I didn’t have kids until much later in life, the friends I once had didn’t really know what to do with me now that I wasn’t the person who could drop everything and meet them for a “drink and rant” session at a moments notice. Now I had these 3 little people who meant more than anything and quite honestly I was just too tired to be going out anywhere. Now I’ve moved away and have tried making new friends but it’s harder when you’re older to just walk up to someone and say hey! Let’s be friends. Oh well I’m probably still too busy anyway. Thanks for hostessing #bigpinklink!

  33. February 22, 2016 / 8:38 pm

    I’m the same. I bought a birthday card for a friend a couple of months back, after seeing it in the shop and thinking how well it suited her, then promptly forgot to send it, and it’s still sitting on the table, waiting to be written and posted next year. There’s just always something else to think about! #bigpinklink

  34. February 22, 2016 / 8:40 pm

    I can totally relate to this! I keep promising to be better… #bigpinklink

  35. February 22, 2016 / 8:49 pm

    I am exactly like this – glad it is not just me! I also suffer from that ‘ answer a text or messenger message in your head and then never answer in real life’ thing. Luckily I only really have a few very close friends and I think they understand #bigpinklink

  36. February 22, 2016 / 9:10 pm

    This was also me before kids – now I just have a cast iron excuse! #bigpinklink

  37. February 22, 2016 / 9:22 pm

    Oh I am so glad this isn’t just me!! Particularly texts and birthday cards! I always seem to be blaming my
    Birthday cards’ lateness on the post!! 😉 Thanksfir hosting #bigpinklink 🙂

  38. February 22, 2016 / 9:43 pm

    I forget to do stuff all the time, or too late. Since having little one my brain has definitely turned into mush! Like you I did an entire online food shop and forgot to complete transaction. It’s hard when you have little ones as something always takes priority. Claire X #bigpinklink

  39. February 22, 2016 / 10:01 pm

    I’m completely guilty of this too, but how great is the feeling when (once in a blue moon of course) you actually make it to the post office and send a card? Such satisfaction! I can only hope I’m trying to change my ways too, but with a wall calendar which is even more unavoidable than a diary! High five for 2016 being the end of crapness (or a move towards it) xxx

  40. February 23, 2016 / 3:28 am

    I can confirm that I join you in being crap! I had no concept of how much time I had pre-kids…like you I thought I was a pretty fab friend…thoughtful and generous. now we have to save our pennies I can’t be as generous with presents makes me feel like a meany and whilst I usually remember birthdays at some point inbetween walking to kindy, grocery shopping and wiping arses by the time I’ve moved onto the next chore it’s gone from my head and totally forgotten about until it flashes up on facebook! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

    • February 23, 2016 / 3:44 am

      Sorry forgot #bigpinklink

  41. February 23, 2016 / 8:09 am

    I feel your crap friend pain! I currently have a birthday card for a friend sat unwritten on my dining room table. I bought it last week, well in time to get it off for her birthday on Thursday, but then my little boy was ill on Tuesday and posting it got forgotten and then it just seems a little bit rubbish to send it late, doesn’t it?

    My sister made a great new year’s resolution – to buy and write all the cards for that month (and have all birthdays, anniversaries etc. written in the calendar so that this is a bit easier). I love this idea and would really like to do it – I just need to actually do it!! #bigpinklink

  42. February 23, 2016 / 10:46 am

    I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels like this!

    Since having a baby, I feel so dreadfully unorganised when it comes to birthdays and special occasions. Last month we had 3 family birthdays, they all got their cards late and I am still to buy them a present. Having a baby just takes over your whole life!


  43. February 23, 2016 / 12:20 pm

    Colour in Christmas Cards- how cool is that? I would have been the same but I would chucked some at the kids and commanded that they do it instead…LOL…The best kind of friends are the ones whom you don’t speak for years but the moment you see/speak to them, it was as if you had just said good bye only yesterday! #bigpinklink

  44. February 23, 2016 / 1:08 pm

    I’m the same, there’s just so much to do and to remember! I think everyone’s the same, it’s just that some people managed to fake it better

  45. February 23, 2016 / 3:31 pm

    Feeling this completely! I’m awful at arranging things and forget when I have. Or I find myself cancelling at the last minute because I’m just so tired. Life eh?! #bigpinklink

  46. February 23, 2016 / 3:40 pm

    Are you me? 😉 I am exactly the same. I really want to be a better friend, but my brain just does not retain information like important dates … and also, I am RUBBISH at remembering to message people back. If someone texts me while I’m out and about and then I will definitely forget about by the time I’m home! #bigpinklink

  47. February 23, 2016 / 6:33 pm

    I completely get this. I was hanging on by my nails and then I began blogging and now I have even less time and I’m subsequently even more crap lol! I’m a little better this year than last year though – thanks to lush new diary and slightly older child but since it’s only Feb I better not get too cocky yet! Thanks for sharing #bigpinklink

  48. February 24, 2016 / 9:00 am

    Yep! Me too! I used to pride myself on sending out handcrafted Christmas cards, and spend ages carefully wrapping presents with coordinated paper, bows and tags. Birthdays were always remembered, and I never had a diary or calendar-my brain functioned well enough to just remember! Now I don’t know what day it is, and nobody gets a birthday text, let alone carefully selected gift and card! I spend my life apologising to people!! I’m giving in and getting a diary though, there’s not a chance my brain will return to full functioning capacity!!
    Another successful week co-hostess! Thanks for being awesome!

  49. February 24, 2016 / 1:05 pm

    To say this makes me feel better is a total understatement. I feel like the worst friend at the moment (well if you judge me on birthday cards etc). Like you my brain just seems to be so full of stuff and I have genuinely good intentions but then I forget.

    What doesn’t help is that I am one of the only ones in my group of friends with a toddler. Everyone else has older children and has conveniently forgotten how totally consumed your life is. Add working from home into the mix and it’s a wonder I manage to remember to put knickers on…. Hold on, oh yes I did!

  50. February 24, 2016 / 4:09 pm

    I think we can all get swept up in living daily life, it’s always hectic for some reason or another! Having kids must be an added pressure, I salute you 🙂 as a psychologist would say: you have pointed out your flaws and mistakes, and that’s step one on the road to recovery 😉 thanks for letting me join, I am really looking forward to getting to know you better! 🙂 xxx #BigPinkLink

  51. February 25, 2016 / 9:16 pm

    Oh I can completely relate, friendships are so important to me as well especially as I get older but I do worry I am not great. I think friends with Children get it but I have a few without and I think they struggle to understand. Great post xxx

  52. February 28, 2016 / 6:32 pm

    Haha great post, this made me chuckle and nod along in agreement. I am a terrible friend but then I always have been and I’m sure I always will be.x

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