So today was an experience. And not a good one! I shall run through it with you, and attempt to find the humour by writing in style of Bridget Jones!
Planned fun day out.
Everyone woke up grumpy and overtired.
But day is PLANNED, must go ahead.
Leave late due to stress of finding everyone’s hats, gloves, snacks, drinks, spare clothes, camera, charged camera battery and un-full SD card. (Don’t normally take camera, hence uncharged-ness of it, usually snap away like papparazzo on my mobile but is currently broken, took tiny dip in loo, thankfully pre-pee!)
Realise as leaving, that broken phone means no sat nav as actual satnav is missing presumed dead. Run back in for a map. No maps except ordinance survey. No way to print directions as the computer is on strike due to overloading of papperazzo photos.
Don’t know where we are going, not even remotely. Acknowledge am hopeless without phone and vow to sort out insurance claim I’ve started, and also charge all batteries for camera for future and sort out computer once and for all. None of this will happen, am pretty sure of that. Except maybe the phone claim, but fact am sitting typing this instead makes it look unlikely!
Anyway, back to the story.
Mother, along for the DAY OUT and quite overexcited, starts flapping. Finds some directions on her phone, then panics about using maps to navigate due to terrifying idea of data roaming costing her £1000.00. (This is woman that used to think that you were charged per character for text messages and used to send garbled messages with all the vowels and punctuation removed- wld lv t mt y fr cff ltr shll I brng dg 😀 ). Set off with handful of directions on mobile screen and two ordinance survey maps that may or may not, (turns out not!), cover journey area.
To cut long moan short, end up going wrong way, a lot. End up in Stroud on ridiculous roundabout system, teeth firmly gritted and children repeatedly questioning if will ever get there.
Go back way we came, the Mothertron finally finds maps app. Proper navigation commences. Arrive.
Get children into appropriate arctic weather gear. Take dogs. Listen to big girl whinge on loop about having to walk them before can do children’s trail.
Decide to take them for lunch first, tis 11.30, might beat the crowds. Remember restaurant has lovely covered outdoor area to sit with dogs. Arrive at restaurant. Have deemed warm enough to sit outside uncovered and removed warm tent. Find a table, sit. Unpack lovely trail packs, icy gale whips past and promptly blows activity sheets away. Chase sheets. Abandon plans. Mother returns dogs to vehicle, go inside, nab table. Go to order. Crowds only slightly beaten. Giggle a little at man with sandwich being very angry at the inability to move without becoming face to face with another human with sandwich. He is muttering a lot.
Eating is successful. Toilets, trail. Are somehow at finish and start is where came in. Decide to do trail backwards. Do two posts before both children give up. One is face down on floor. Short cut through ditch to get back quicker.
A quick, (and wonderful!), play in playground. Then cake needed. Back to cafe. Find table, remove arctic wear. Fight through crowds, then see have run out of all good cakes. Trauma!
Decide to go somewhere else. Artic gear back on.
Reluctant kids carried/coaxed/begged back to van. Drive to nearby town. Find baker. Consume coffee and cake. Small boy tired to the point of collapse. Gets very silly, playing woohoo game with the waitress, (peekaboo but with the call of Frozen’s Oaken), as we go to leave, small boy places both hands on waitresses’ apron. She is nice but doesn’t seem child person particularly, looks bit shocked. Play it off that was looking at letter from name on apron. Then small boy ruins by loudly announcing; ‘I touched her boobies!’ and near collapsing in exhausted hysterical giggles!
So that was our day!
Mortified doesn’t quite cover it! Please send wine!!!!
Day later edit: Funnily enough, looking over the photos today, (a MUCH better day btw!!), it almost looks like we had a great time. Maybe I should post them to Instagram hashtag love life, hashtag life is perfect, hashtag perfect day out, if only I hadn’t just ruined it all with my honesty hey?! 😉
Aaaaargh! I have had SO many days like that! I love, love your mother’s abandoned consonants for fear of being charged 🙂 The photos do tell a different story … but then don’t they always?! Glad you survived anyway and thank you for running an ace linky 🙂 xx #bigpinklink
This really made me laugh. And I got really excited for you with the build up to your day out. Looks like it was all worth it from the pics. Good luck with getting a new phone.
PS. My father writes texts the same way. He also thinks they are like old style telegrams and charged by letter. Sometimes they’re impossible to decode.
It’s so funny isn’t it? It took me an age to work out what was going on!! I cried laughing when I realised! Thanks for joining us again. 🙂
Oh honey I shouldn’t laugh at what was clearly a stressful day but I have to say I am cracking up – brilliantly written! So glad you managed to have fun despite the chaos xx #bigpinklink
Loved the way it was written in the Bridget Jones Style, so funny and different xx
It looks like you had a fun day by the photos, I’m sure you can laugh about it now! I attempted to take both children to the Eden Project by myself. One child fell over at the very start and refused to walk the rest of the visit. My one year old ran off, had security out, had a panic attack, found him, continued the rest of our visit with both child firmly strapped into the pram. It’s all good now though!!
Oh dear, that sounds like a tiring day for all! At least you got some good pictures from it. Oakens woohoo peekaboo made me giggle! #bigpinkpink
I love the Arctic gear! Very smart. #bigpinklink
You can always make a traumatising day look good with a couple of lucky photos…if you don’t also post the ones where everyone’s crying or covered in mud/food/poo (if it’s a really bad day).
I love the excited touching of boobs. It’s something someone with kids would shrug off but other people are shocked by. Great post!
#bigpinklink
Haha this made me giggle! It definitely looks like a great day, you could have got away with that one! I hate it when all the good cakes have run out, it’s the worst feeling! Do you settle for the sad looking iced bun or give up and go elsewhere?! #bigpinklink
This made me laugh and made me think back to when I used to take my pre-school class out on trips, chaos from start to finish! #bigpinklink
Brilliant post! I love ‘real life’ days, even if it wasn’t the best of days there are always a few good moments to treasure 🙂 Oaken style peek-a-boo and boobies! 🙂 Thanks for hosting #bigpinklink x
I think that sometimes the days that just don’t go to plan can be some of the best days…. When they are over and you look back on them!
very funny. And again, I can totally relate. Bringing a bunch of kids out on a day out in winter takes serious planning, organisation skills and patience. Relaxing isn’t the word. Sending wine! Bucketloads. Thanks for sharing 🙂
LOL…sorry had to laugh! But WHAT a day! Sometimes you need a day off just to recover from a day out! Glad you survived it intact!
Oh great post lol looks like you all had a fab day anyway #bigpinklink
Haha this has made me laugh especially after the school run from hell, including man refusing to reverse to his pass point and therefore forcing me to squeeze past resulting in flat tyre and then having to wait an age for break down van. So thanks for cheering me up with your fab post and I can relate!!! #bigpinklink
This made me laugh! It’s amazing how difficult it is without any technology, how on earth did we cope without smart phones? Your pics look great by the way. I hope you has wine that evening. Claire #bigpinklink
Oh I have had days like this and have pictures to show that it wasn’t a terrible day but boy was I stressed. In hindsight, it was funny how getting everyone to cooperate so that you can have a fun day is so stressful, LOL! The pictures look great! #thebigpinklink
Ahhh coffee & cake must have tasted so sweet at the end of a busy day out! Ah I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have the sat nav I don’t think we own any maps now! lol Thanks so much for hosting #bigpinklink x
Ha ha I love you more for being honest! 🙂 #keepitreal #2fruitshootsandalargegin #bigpinklink
I felt your stress lol! Days out sends shivers down my spine with children in toe! You survived and had cake = #Success to me : ) #bigpinklink
Too cute and funny! This WAS, in fact, a perfect day…even with the truth (a la Bridgette Jones) thrown in. LOL! Loved it. #bigpinklink
You have an absolutely rough day but it is all for the kiddos. It is rough but the pictures look like perfection! haha! Poor us always stressing the day up and getting lost. That was the worse for my mom, getting lost and not having a clue of where she was. For some reason I have never done that and I just buckle down so I can figure it out.
Oh no! But can I just say your fact about your mum & characters in text messages made me LAUGH OUT LOUD. Loved that.
#bigpinklink
Pretty much all attempts to go out with mine are like this! The most I can hope for is that there are some bright spots in between the screaming. Looks like there were for you and at least you got some gorgeous photos…and an excuse for wine! 😉 #bigpinklink
The boobies comment-argh mortifying! Looks like the kids had fun though. #bigpinklink
This sounds like every day in my life! So funny although I appreciate, mortifying!! #bigpinklink
Oh no! I totally feel your pain though, I feel like once one thing goes wrong it’s just a spiral into chaos, I hope an early night and good sleep was had by all that night! George once repeatedly poked his great gran in the chest shouting boobies once, mortified! #bigpinklink
Oh my gosh! That did make me giggle! What did your gran do?? 😀
Oh dear, haha! This made me nearly spit my tea out. Lovely photos of your day though xx #bigpinklink
Hilarious. Loved it! This describes most of my days out. Also dropped phone on loo last week, sadly after the wee, but has been fixed by leaving it in a pot of rice to dry it out. Still slightly disturbed that it is essentially full of wee. #bigpinklink
Oh nooooo! Brings new meaning to checking you (w)e-mails! 😉
This was great fun to read! Your mother sounds a lot like mine, whose muddling is funny when it’s happening to someone else, haha. Trying to find your way anywhere without the aid of technology is always a recipe for comedy, but glad the day was not so bad in hindsight 🙂
You’re so right. Writing about it is funny, and if it was anyone else’s mum, I’d probably think it sweet but……!! 😉
I loved reading this (not because you had a stressful day btw) the style made it such a good read. I can also relate to the stress of the day…can’t we all. At least some good photos came out of it. #bigpinklink
Ah, reminds me of so many days out we’ve had! A simple day out always seems to turn into a major expedition for us but at least the little ones enjoy it even if parents return home feeling more than frazzled! Great pics! #bigpinklink
I think you’ve described a lot of people’s days despite what Instagram might trick you to think! Love your writing style and the fact that you can still see the positives, sometimes these are the funniest memories to look back on….wine also helps!! #bigpinklink
Hahaha great post, any parent can relate to that! This happens to me when we suddenly get cabin fever and need to get out pronto. I feel exhausted just reading your story so I hope you had a LARGE glass of wine when you got home. Although you’re right, the photos look like you had a blissful time! 😉 x ps. Love the Bridget style!
Thanks for sharing this. I must admit when we don’t have days like these we pinch our selves to check we’re not sleeping, or are then waiting for that moment it all changes. #bigpinklink
Shit a brick you actually used a map?! If both my phone and sat nav were missing or dead I’d have to just sit on the drive and wait for my husband to come home and drive me wherever I wanted to go. My sense of direction is appalling! Thanks for hosting the #bigpinklink again and for such a funny post 🙂
Loooool this made me really laugh!!!!!! 😀 I love that image of him getting home hours later and you sitting there waiting patiently!!
Ha ha this sounds just like me. If anything can go wrong, it usually does. Loving the mother’s text messages, reminds me of those proofreading ads you see in the paper (not that anyone reads the paper thesedays!)
I have given up on my Satnav as I usually disagree with it and I find it a little smug at times.
Sounds like you did have a great day really, get it on instagram 🙂
#bigpinklink
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Sorry, just too funny! In fact, an actual laughter tear escaped my eye when I read it! But I post these kind of stories with the view to making people laugh, so I’m sure you won’t mind me laughing at your misfortune…! Where were you? Is it Westonbirt? I was particularly tickled by how your mum used to send texts… hilarious!
DT is also obsessed with boobies at the moment. Particularly mine. We were at a Christening the other day, and he started groping them, and I whispered, ‘not in here please,’ to which he responded loudly (but why can’t I just stroke your boobies mummy??’ Oh dear God…
Anyway, loved this! Has made my evening! Thanks for being the awesomest co-host!! xxxxxxxx
Oh thank you! Yes Westonbirt. I’m sure the trail was actually lovely if you got round it!! I am more than happy for people to laugh at my misfortune! I can definitely see the funny side too. The whole booby thing is so funny….when it doesn’t happen in public! Both of mine are obsessed with talking about them and I don’t mind it if noone else overhears! Thank you for being my equally stupendous co-host! 😀 xxxx
You make me squeal with laughter. Well done for the day out. And yes just fake it on Instagram. Doesn’t everyone? Ugh. #BigPinkLink