Ok I know there are heaps of these out there, but this one is a television guide! (Did you like what I did there!!)
If you are new to parenting and are thinking, (as I used to, absolutely no judging here!), that you will in no way ever need this as you will always be far too busy crafting and baking and expanding your precious little ones’ mind to ever switch on the tv…well maybe just bookmark this for the future and move on! 😉
If not however, (or you have returned to this further down the line!!), I thought I would try and get in there early and try and save you some pain, because once your children like a program, well, you’re a bit stuck, but if you know what to never put on in the first place, you might prevent some future traumas.
I’m going to attempt a countdown of current shows that take precedence over anything I like, from bearable and even sit and watch together territory down to bang your head off the kitchen counter when you hear the theme tune zone. I shall include reasonings.
Top Watch: Topsy and Tim, the perfect twins. Ok ok I know I moan like hell about them over on Facebook, (do come and ‘like’ me by the way!), but actually I do think the program is watchable. I get quite into the storyline and have on occasion,even been known to shush the kiddies so I can find out what happens.
I can’t not vent a few of my frustrations about it though. Why in the hell do Mummy and Daddy host a sodding dinner party the night before they move?! Who does that?? I am usually crying and swearing as I throw all the thousands of items I’ve not packed yet into any random box, any kind of system I started with long gone leaving me with boxes that say kitchen on but only have one saucepan in and a load of bits, meaning that said box(es!!!) languishes in the garage for two, (and a half!), years as it is too complicated to unpack it!
Also, the bloody camping trip. So Topsy, (a girl by the way!), gets tonsillitis and Mummy has to drive her to the hospital, leaving Tim and Daddy and all their camping stuff to get back with their friends’ family in their normal sized car. What the what?! When we go camping, we can barely fit our own kids in, never mind anything or anyone else!
9. Andy’s dinosaur/prehistoric adventures. I hated the other one he did, with the irritating cat. It really bugged me. Then he came back with dinosaurs and now woolly mammoths and I’m loving it, as are the kids. It probably helps that I’m a bit of a dinosaur nerd!
8. Swashbuckle. I actually enjoy this show. Slapstick, pirates, challenges, bad jokes, brilliant! Appeals to my inner child. (Which is apparently not as inner as I like to think. Considering I buy lots of stuff from the kids’ departments. I got an amazing unicorn/rainbow water bottle for the gym in the toy section of TKMaxx the other day. Anyway, I digress!)
7. Bubble Guppies. Honestly, I’ve not technically watched a full episode of this, (I am now very good at being in the same room as the tv and totally tuning out the mindless drivel or irritating squeaky voices, it’s on my CV as a life skill!), but I do have to dance about like mad to the songs. Like this one below. Closest I get to a club these days! 😀
6. Paw Patrol. This one is sliding a bit for me. The magical powers it holds are still wonderful but my gosh. The characters, the plots! There are puppies – that is about the only positive!! Seriously struggling to come up with any more good points. The intelligence levels there are very low. And the mayor, the actual mayor of an entire town has a chicken. A pet chicken that is a bit like her child. That she follows into really stupid dangerous situations blindly. Then the child and the puppies have to save her. Stupid woman! 😉
5. Anything with Justin in. I have really had enough of this man now. He’s oversaturated cbeebies. He annoys me on every level. Also irritating is the fact that he does hold my kids’ attention so wonderfully and so I have been known to tolerate him to get the washing up done, or write this. Possibly!
4. Fireman Sam. Arghhhhh Do Not Get Me Started! The new cgi-ness means they have massive fat lips that look shiny and weird. Then there is Norman. Everything about Norman pees me off. His voice, his rudeness, I can’t stand him. Also, Elvis. The man is so imbecilic that I can’t understand at all how he makes it out of his house let alone holds down a job somewhere as important as a fire station!
3. In the goddamn night garden. There are no words for this really! You’ll get it one day. (Sorry about that.) This is one that even pre-warned about, you are unlikely to be able to avoid completely. Pip pip yuk yuk.
2. Waybulloo and Kate and Mim-mim share this one. Waybuloo drives me mental. I hate programs that don’t speak properly. I spend all my efforts teaching my children to talk and then this stupid program teaches them to communicate in silly noises. Grrr. Kate and Mim-mim is similar. I hate the graphics and all the characters and all their voices.
Top spot. Teletubbies. Arrrrrgggggghhhhhhh why oh why oh why did they resurrect this show?! There is nothing positive I can say about this. If you are around my age you’ll remember it from first time around and I promise you it’s not got any better!
So there you have it. My ranty round up! Funny how quickly is descended into a angry tirade. It’s also made me realise how much tv we watch. Better switch to dvds! 😀
If you know anyone who may benefit from these words of experienced wisdom, do share. I’d also love to know whether you agree with me, and which programs you’d add or remove from the guide if not!