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It’s ok not to be the perfect parent.

For the last 6 years, a bit over really, I have tormented myself about how I am ‘getting it wrong’ with regards to parenting. When I was pregnant, I agonised about taking folic acid, drinking the odd diet coke, how I was going to give birth, keeping healthy, keep fit, not doing too much. It was never ending and that was before any baby was even born!

We do scrub up well…..it’s only taken 6 years though! And it definitely isn’t like this every day!

Then when first one, then anotherย arrived, there was a whole new set of worries. Most of them hinged around playing with them enough, buying the right toys, would having a sibling be damaging for them, did I do enough craft, enough outings, visit enough people, have enough playdates, swimming, music. It has been exhausting!!

I wanted to do all these crafts, be a Mum who achieved fun all the time, teach them to cook, make sure they can ride bicycles, plant stuff in the garden, grow our own veg, be loving and happy all the time, sing songs and cuddle all day long.

I beat myself up endlessly because most of the time in the early days, just getting to a doctors appointment, was the most stressful event, which took up every minute. Throw in a mega dose of post natal depression and I was often snappy, and fraught and always guilty.

The other day, I had a major realisation. I have been feeling all this angst about what I didn’t do when they were younger, but hang on, they are still young. There is plenty of time for all of the above, after all, my Mum didn’t teach me everything in a few years, in fact, I’m still learning from her now, as a Mother myself!

So I consciously made an effort to stop, and instead, celebrated what I have done with them. The other day after school, it was drizzly and the kids were a bit tired. We were low on ingredients as I, (yet again!), hadn’t got around to ordering a shop, and I’d worked out that we could make cheese and onion quiche and roast potatoes.

So we did. I got them both on chairs at the counter and we made pastry from scratch, they cracked eggs, grated cheese and peeled and chopped the potatoes. I taught them about par-boiling, collecting rosemary and sage from the garden, and they loved it. When we ate it, they were so proud of themselves and it was absolutely delicious. I felt on top of the world and felt like I’d achieved something massive, and so did they. I also got to write a ‘Wow voucher’ for my daughter to take into school to further celebrate her helpfulness.

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The realisation that I had the next day, was that I wouldn’t actually have been able to do that when they were younger, they wouldn’t have listened, would have thrown stuff around, they weren’t ready. I did try, but results were messy, disastrous and disappointing. I’ve been tormenting myself for not having spent every minute of every day doing stuff like this, but actually, we have so much time to do these things, years and years of stories and drawings and baking and growing stuff that I’d not even considered in my haste to berate myself about the past.

I’ve been trying to do everything and live up to my ‘perfect mother’ expectations and actually, that is totally unnecessary. I’m not even going to blame pinterest for my unrealistic view of how life should be, it’s actually a brilliant resource but it’s not something I need to aspire to at all times.

Will I be doing such an amazing, creative session every day? ย Of course not. In fact, the very next day, they were both completely exhausted and so watched telly for most of the afternoon. And that is fine too. The unbelievable pressure we put on ourselves is just crazy. Some days are super duper, fun packed, happy, Mary Poppins-esque days. Some days are not, I’m working, busy, grumpy, the house needs tidying, they have to play by themselves.

And that’s ok!! I’m definitely going to be cutting myself more slack from now on, and not wasting another moment fretting about something I can do nothing about. The past! Having battled withย PND and Anxiety for so many years, I’m now learning to channel Elsa and just Let It Go!

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  1. May 12, 2016 / 3:52 pm

    It’s a great way to look at it. Like having a done list rather than a to do list.

    I try and do the same at bedtime (especially after a wall chewingly annoying day) to remind them (and me) of the good bits of the day rather than the hour long screamathon before bed time!

    • pinkpearbear
      May 20, 2016 / 7:49 pm

      That’s a great way of putting it! A done list. I like that! I may try and do that at bedtime too. Bit like a gratitude diary.

  2. May 12, 2016 / 5:18 pm

    It was good to read this today! I was just telling myself that CBeebies was on too much today but the reality is we are both feeling under the weather!

  3. May 13, 2016 / 10:57 am

    this is such a breath of fresh air to read. It is also so true. I often feel so much guilt, some of it is warranted, but some of it is just bullcr*p. We are not perfect, we are not robots. We are human. I think it’s also hard when you have more than 1 child and your child have different needs.

    Some days I have to pat myself on the back, just for making it through another day Other days there is bike riding, painting, baking and lots of other stuff. It’s life. It’s real and you are rocking it!!!!


    • pinkpearbear
      May 20, 2016 / 7:55 pm

      Oh thanks hun! Sometimes my Mama-guilt is deserved too, but other days I nail it too. Definitely having more then one child is hard work, already thinly stretched and then a melt down can be exhausting. I think you’re rocking it too so big up to us both! ๐Ÿ˜€

  4. May 13, 2016 / 11:22 am

    YES! We all need to take your lead and not be so hard on ourselves. I am guilty of trying to be and do everything but the reality is I can’t. As a working mom, I feel so much pressure to do something or go somewhere every weekend and I have to tell myself it’s okay to stay at home and just not do anything. Great post.

    • pinkpearbear
      May 20, 2016 / 7:48 pm

      Sometimes it’s better to do that. Just lie in the garden doing absolutely nothing! Thanks you. I think you’re doing a pretty wonderful job.

  5. May 13, 2016 / 12:31 pm

    Yes you’re so right. I am such a perfectionist and so desperately want to get this parenting business ‘right’ but your comment about not having to learn everything in one go has really struck a chord with me. Thank you.

  6. May 13, 2016 / 3:22 pm

    I agree, cut yourself some slack and relax. You are winning at parenting, trust me!

    • pinkpearbear
      May 20, 2016 / 7:47 pm

      Oh thank you. These comments are making me feel fab!

  7. May 14, 2016 / 6:29 am

    Good for you, you’re a fab mum and I’m so glad you are starting to realise it. And let me know when I can come round for some of that quiche!xx

    • May 14, 2016 / 6:48 am

      Oh thank you! Anytime. I’ll make one especially!!

  8. May 14, 2016 / 6:38 am

    Good for you! I actually felt a bit sad reading this that you had wasted so much time worrying about those things. By your standards, I would be a ‘bad’ mother – I hate craft and will tell that to anyone. Craft was for nursery! I worked three days a week (full-time with my eldest) so all that stuff was left to nursery. My kids started extra-curricular activities around the time they started school – when they knew what they wanted to do, not what I thought they might like to do. I reckon they’ve grown up pretty well, more than pretty well in fact, and I haven’t once glued anything with them! ๐Ÿ™‚

    • May 14, 2016 / 6:48 am

      My ridiculously high unrealistic experiences you mean! I wouldn’t say you were a ‘bad’ mother at all. I’m starting to realise the pressure I put on myself is crazy. Maybe because I’m a sahm, (well, wahm really), I feel I need to be more, to do more traditional mum stuff. I think I feel the need to be more like my Mum was. Infinite patience and time. I’m lacking both!! I think nursery is brilliant & now my daughter is at school I’m realising how much she gets there too. Thanks for your comment.

  9. May 15, 2016 / 10:57 pm

    My worst is getting that story read at the end of the evening, when all I want to do is crawl into a hot tub! So sometimes we do a “self read” night. This was a great post! We definitely need to cut ourselves some slack! #bigpinklink

    • May 16, 2016 / 8:14 am

      Self read sounds like a great idea, I’ll have to wait til both are reading but then I’ll deffo be implementing that!!

  10. May 16, 2016 / 6:37 am

    Sounds like someone needs to write you a Wow voucher too. #bigpinklink

  11. May 16, 2016 / 7:58 am

    Parenting is a massive learning curve, ho with the flow and enjoy every minute, your doing a fab job ๐Ÿ™‚ #bigpinlink

  12. May 16, 2016 / 8:08 am

    This is lovely – a really refreshing read. Not every day can be filled with stuff like this – and I’m sure my own childhood wasn’t either, despite the fact that these are the things I remember – but it’s lovely when you do manage it and everything just comes together perfectly! We need to give ourselves more credit for the good stuff! #bigpinklink

    • May 16, 2016 / 8:12 am

      I’m slowly starting to realise that Katy, I think because I only remember the good bits I’m trying to recreate the impossible.

  13. May 16, 2016 / 8:30 am

    you are so right. I fretted yesterday because we had a tv afternoon and id turned into a mum who uses the tv as a babysitter but then I thought, calm down its one afternoon in his entire 3 years on this planet hes not going to be damaged by it. sometimes we need to remember we cannot do it all! wonderful post #bigpinklink

    • May 20, 2016 / 7:30 pm

      Oh my word, if it wasn’t for CBeebies we’d never have any clean clothes or food!

  14. May 16, 2016 / 8:33 am

    I was reading the, shall we say itchy (add a B) rant from an American blogger on how all mummy blogs suck and we’re trying to portrait this image of constant happiness, and it made me think that the blogs I really love (yours included) show what life is really like, and that is what makes them interesting. Yes, beautiful pictures on Pinterest are great, but sometimes life is watching telly and some times it’s doing something fun and educational with your kids, but most of all it’s about allowing yourself to be simply okay and not striving for perfection (something I’m battling myself). Great post #bigpinklink

    Nadia – ScandiMummy x

    • May 20, 2016 / 7:29 pm

      Oh thank you! This is a lovely comment. I read a bit of that too but got bored far too quickly!

  15. May 16, 2016 / 8:33 am

    Love this: ‘The other day, I had a major realisation. I have been feeling all this angst about what I didnโ€™t do when they were younger, but hang on, they are still young. There is plenty of time for all of the above, after all, my Mum didnโ€™t teach me everything in a few years, in fact, Iโ€™m still learning from her now, as a Mother myself!’ We beat ourselves up so much but we have our children for many years to teach them and nurture them and hug them – i’ve been guilty of thinking that it all has to be done ‘yesterday’! Thank you so much for sharing this post – really made me stop and think #BigPinkLink

    • May 20, 2016 / 7:28 pm

      Oh I love this comment! I’m so glad it helped you feel some peace!

  16. May 16, 2016 / 8:37 am

    Totally with you that is exactly why my blog is named diary of an imperfect mum. I embrace my imperfections and have accepted that I can’t be that alpha mum but I am still a great mum in the eyes of my kids. It’s been like a weight lifted off my shoulders Thank you for hosting

    • May 20, 2016 / 7:27 pm

      That is so good, I think you’re a few steps ahead of me with the ‘letting go of perfection’ breakthrough’. It liberating isn’t it?? ๐Ÿ™‚

  17. May 16, 2016 / 8:38 am

    sounds like your doing a great job! We would all love to ‘play’ a bit more but thats not realistic, and we all just gotta do the best we can… and thats all we can do. ๐Ÿ™‚ #bigpinklink

  18. May 16, 2016 / 9:00 am

    This is a fantastic post and a great message. We all put so much pressure on ourselves to be “the perfect mum” but to our babies we are perfect just as we are. xx #bigpinklink

    • pinkpearbear
      May 20, 2016 / 7:46 pm

      You’re absolutely right. Just like they are perfect to us, even when they are grotty, smelly and grumpy! ๐Ÿ˜€

  19. May 16, 2016 / 9:11 am

    Aw you are so right! We shouldn’t beat ourselves up, it is really tough being a Mum! It sounds like you had an amazing day with the kids making quiche (looks delicious by the way), this has inspired me to learn how to cook, I want to be able to do this when Bear is older. : ) #bigpinklink

    • May 20, 2016 / 7:25 pm

      Thank you. I’m a rubbish cook actually. But I can make a few things really well. Cake & quiche!!

  20. May 16, 2016 / 9:29 am

    Yum, that looks great, you are all right to be proud of yourselves. I think most mums feel the same pressure to a certain degree. Admitting that there’s something wrong and taking steps to change it must be daunting but worth it. It sounds as if you and your children are now thriving! #BIGPINKLINK

  21. May 16, 2016 / 9:44 am

    I genuinely dread cooking with my two and know I take it over when we do…As for craft; fetal position…but I do believe my kids are growing in other areas that I can give them, like singing and joke telling and making up stories. We just need to play to our strengths. Thanks for reminding me that a cheese and onion quiche really is delicious!! #bigpinklink

    • May 20, 2016 / 7:24 pm

      I’m glad I’m not alone. Yes we all have our strengths don’t we. I’m really crafty as a rule but crafts with kids still makes me twitch. Deffo getting better though!!

  22. May 16, 2016 / 9:49 am

    My daughter is still little but I am slowly starting to realise that I don’t have to have an arranged ‘baby activity’ every day and that it’s not stunting her development to have a day where we barely leave the living room. She still thinks I’m the perfect mum for her!
    That quiche looks so good. I want quiche for lunch now! #bigpinklink

    • May 20, 2016 / 7:22 pm

      This is lovely to read. Time to just ‘be’ is so important too.

  23. May 16, 2016 / 10:12 am

    That quiche looks yummy and what a great way to get the kids involved. Thanks for hosting #bigpinklink. I’ve accidently linked two posts. Smack on wrist.

  24. May 16, 2016 / 10:27 am

    It’s funny because I had a similar realisation with the cubs just the other day. I took the boys to a park I’d spotted locally and they had a great time running around with another boy there but the next day they were really tired and played in the garden a bit but mostly watched Netflix. And that’s okay.


  25. May 16, 2016 / 11:36 am

    I am the exact same! Some days I’m amazing and we jump from activity to activity like a day that Mary Poppins would be proud of. Other days we watch ALOTof tv! We’re still rocking motherhood though ๐Ÿ™‚ thanks for hosting #bigpinklink

  26. May 16, 2016 / 11:58 am

    Oh I am sad that you put so much pressure on yourself to live up to an expectation of motherhood that I am fairly sure no one ever achieves! You are an amazing mum and watching telly sometimes is totally fine!! That quiche looks amazing and sounds like you all had a great time. #bigpinklink

  27. May 16, 2016 / 12:10 pm

    What a refreshing post. It’s so true – the kids are always impressionable and (hopefully!) will continue to learn from us for their entire lives. I like the idea of embracing each day as it’s own, making sure you have some that are full of “doing” and others that are full of “nothing” so the children have varied memories of everything we do as a family! And your quiche looks delicious! ๐Ÿ˜€

  28. May 16, 2016 / 12:18 pm

    Great post Lou!! I’ve always been a very guilty party for this. Even when DT was a tiny baby, Mr W would ask us what we’d done, and I’d reel off the things I’d taken him to, then sometimes burst into tears and say ‘but it’s just not enough!’ I thought I should’ve been stimulating his tiny mind with black and white pictures, getting him to claw textures, and loads of other ridiculous things. My guilt went into overdrive when MA was born. I just can’t believe what I used to put myself through. Now, if DT wants to bake while MA is napping, we do, because he can do it well now. I used to beat myself up that MA was missing out, but like you say, he never listens, and is actually quite dangerous in the kitchen most of the time, so I’m actually doing the right thing by keeping him safe! And you make another good point by saying that they’ve got a whole childhood to be doing these things-it doesn’t have to be all day every day!!
    Thanks for hostessing!

  29. May 16, 2016 / 1:16 pm

    Such a fab post, I recently had a big mummy meltdown over a tantrum and I regretted it, but after having a cry and word with myself i realised its OKAY to have those off normal-days and just let it out. I also think that todays mamma is constantly feed with high expectations of what we should be doing with our kids and waiting for the right time to do all the actives should be done when we as a family are ready, not because our pinterest notifications say “oh look what mrs.jones just did with her kids!!!” thanks for sharing and keeping it real.#bigpinklink

  30. May 16, 2016 / 1:20 pm

    What a lovely post. We always put so much pressure on ourselves to do/be the best we can, and we are already doing/being it. I bet your children had a fab time with you making the quiche – which, by the way, looks yummy. Also, there are new things we can do with little ones at every stage of their lives. #bigpinklink

  31. May 16, 2016 / 1:30 pm

    I just posted a quote on my blog about motherhood and the quote is about this very thing. You can read it here if you want: http://www.rockinrandommom.com/2016/05/08/rockin-quote-27-motherhood-is-a-choice/ I get like that some days too. In fact, just this past weekend it dawned on me as I was taking pictures of my 9 year old and posting to Facebook and instagram that I don’t have a lot of recent pictures of fun activities with my teenager and I started to feel bad. I haven’t spent a lot of time with him lately and when I have I never took any pictures to commemorate the event. I’m weird thinking like that but the thought was there and then I had to remind myself that he is a teenager and we do still have a great relationship even if I don’t always get it on camera, LOL! Thanks so much for hosting #bigpinklink

  32. May 16, 2016 / 2:38 pm

    Well said. Not every day is going to a magical, memory-filled one – some days are going to be a bit boring. Or a bit hard. We have to remember that we don’t need to be prefect parents every day, because there will be many days where we DO get it right, and those days will be great. #bigpinklink

    • May 19, 2016 / 8:04 pm

      I LOVE those days!!!! Where you just feel you’ve nailed it. Without the pants days, they wouldn’t feel so good!

  33. May 16, 2016 / 2:44 pm

    This is such a good way of looking at things. I too beat myself up about what I haven’t done but you’re so right, there’s a lot that I have done and a lot of years ahead of us to do more. I think we all want to become Supermum overnight but the reality is that we’re humans too, and that actually trying to achieve a lot of these things with tiny people isn’t all its cracked up to be? These things can actually get better and easier with time. Love this post.
    Thanks for hosting #bigpinklink x

    • May 19, 2016 / 8:03 pm

      Oh thank you, you’re so right, sometimes striving for perfection actually makes everyone unhappy. Which you’ll know if you’ve ever dragged overtired, grouchy kids on a ‘fun’ country house tour!! They definitely do get better with time, easier anyway!!

  34. May 16, 2016 / 2:55 pm

    I love this post! We all need to cut ourselves some slack (and be cut some slack by others!) There’s no point stressing out over being ‘perfect’ because it just takes the happiness out of anything you manage to do. That quiche looks delicious though, welldone to you all! We had a big family outing this morning, but this afternoon we’re all knackered so we’re watching our millionth episode of Bing, and that’s okay xx thanks for hosting #bigpinklink

    • May 19, 2016 / 8:01 pm

      Such wise words Rosie! Definitely be cut some slack. Some people can be real judgey mcjudgersons! Your day sounds like a perfectly balanced, lovely one. xx

  35. May 16, 2016 / 4:18 pm

    Right on! First, you’re doing a better job than you think, and, second, worrying about being “perfect” steals your joy in the present and what’s “good”. Enjoy today, doll! (And that quiche looks divine!) #bigpinklink

    • May 19, 2016 / 7:59 pm

      Oh thank you my lovely!! I am kicking perfect into touch & living in the now!

  36. May 16, 2016 / 6:07 pm

    great post and spot on! I think we are all guilty of over worrying and thinking too much. we then tend to forget about what we have done! #bigpinklink

  37. May 16, 2016 / 6:17 pm

    I LOVE this, I found myself nodding along and feeling relieved that its not just me. I am forever trying to be the parent that time and circumstance simply doesn’t allow, and I’m constantly feeling guilty for failing each time. Baking with young children is HELL, I don’t know how people do it without trying to drown themselves in cookie dough. Painting, crafts, anything involving glue and glitter? HELL. Days out, eating out, anything that involves the children not being strapped into the restraint of their pram, HELL!!! We just have to stop beating ourselves up and learn to parent our children to the best of our ability at that time, and that’s okay. #bigpinklink

    • May 19, 2016 / 7:57 pm

      Oh I loved reading this whole comment!! You’re so so right. Parenting is damn hard & we need to cut ourselves some chocolate coated slack because just making it to bedtime is the biggest achievement of our lives some days & that needs celebrating just as much as any art project!

  38. May 16, 2016 / 6:57 pm

    I think it’s so much more enjoyable for you and them when they’re actually a bit older and more capable of doing exciting things together. That quiche! It sounds and looks so good – I’m a rubbish cook, so much so I actually apologised to Himself while serving his dinner last week!!! ๐Ÿ™‚ There is so much pressure and guilt that comes with being a Mum these days, I’m pretty sure my parents never gave it a second thought and I turned out ok, sort of. #bigpinklink

    • May 19, 2016 / 7:52 pm

      You’re so right! I’m enjoying craft etc much more now they kind of get the idea. I’m a crappy cook too, quiche is my ‘signature dish’ basically the one thing my hub actually says tastes good!!

  39. May 16, 2016 / 6:59 pm

    It’s amazing how much we beat ourselves up trying to live up to a perception of perfection that is quite simply unachievable. Congrats on your epiphany, I had one, lost it, got another one, quickly forgot it, remembered it and am now trying to keep it. Good luck with it.

    • May 19, 2016 / 7:50 pm

      I’m pretty sure I shall go through this many more times in the future! No matter how many times I tell myself I’m doing a good job, after a while, something will rock my confidence. We just need to keep on keeping on!

  40. May 16, 2016 / 7:46 pm

    I have this constant battle with myself and need to sit back like and you and realise we are all doing a great job no matter how we do it!

    • May 19, 2016 / 7:49 pm

      We all definitely need to stop and celebrate ourselves more.

  41. May 16, 2016 / 7:46 pm

    wise words, my friend! Parent guilt is a bitch and we all feel it. We all need to cut ourselves some slack because we are trying our hardest! great post Louise.

    • May 19, 2016 / 7:48 pm

      Thanks lovely! It sucks doesn’t it? Here’s to Mama relaxing!

  42. May 16, 2016 / 7:53 pm

    I can so relate to the first half of this post (we’re not quite at the point of the second half of the post yet!) but thank you for showing me that as Baby Lighty gets older, I too will, hopefully, be able to ‘make up’ for those times when I don’t feel like Supermum. Thanks for sharing this with and hosting #bigpinklink xxx

    • May 19, 2016 / 7:47 pm

      Oh just enjoy it! It’s so nice those baby days. xx

  43. Nige
    May 16, 2016 / 7:56 pm

    Fantastic post and please don’t be hard on yourself great read

  44. May 16, 2016 / 8:01 pm

    This is a lovely post, very real. I agree we all need to cut ourselves some slack, there is so much pressure for media these days. Your quiche looks yummy by the way. Thanks for hosting #thebigpinklink

  45. May 16, 2016 / 8:35 pm

    Ah yes such a lovely post, so so true too. I think it’s really important for children to learn that there is in fact a whole spectrum of emotions in a human and that you can still love someone with all those bits in them (well I tell myself that when I am Mrs Grumpy in the morning)…does that make sense? Your point about time is spot on too, I often feel like every single day has to be fun, learning etc…I think it’s because my son hasn’t gone to nursery so I felt very responsible that he may be missing out on craft, messy play etc. But actually he has learnt loads and he still has SO much time to learn loads. Thank you a fabby post #bigpinklink

    • May 19, 2016 / 7:45 pm

      This is a really great comment. Yes it makes total sense, I always tell my kids that I love them but I don’t love their behaviour. And I think they will feel the same about me hopefully. Understand that I don’t always behave ‘perfectly’ and that’s ok. Is this making any sense?! Sometimes good parenting is just having a cuddle and that’s as good as sculpting a scale model of the Sistine chapel out of tooth picks!

  46. May 16, 2016 / 8:36 pm

    Mmmm that quiche looked so good! I couldn’t agree more, I feel exactly the same. I really beat myself up for not being the ‘perfect’ mum, I’m a really crafty/arty person but do I actually do much with the kids? No, partially because it makes me twitch when they don’t colour in the lines or put the googley eyes on straight. You’re right we need to cut ourselves some slack. Looking forward to my boys having a better concentration level. Keep up the great work you look like a brilliant mum to me. Gem X

    • May 19, 2016 / 7:35 pm

      Haha I get twitchy too!! I think we’re very similar. I’ve learnt to restrain it but it’s actually so much more fun now they are older & will actually focus & concentrate.

  47. May 16, 2016 / 11:15 pm

    Oh Hun I’ve never ever had a Mary Poppins day! This post is nevertheless after my own heart. It really is a cultural thing; a very Western thing. There are many cultures in the Eastern world where mothers don’t beat themselves up to achieve all this nonsense. Lessons to be learned methinks. And er you MADE YOUR OWN PASTRY! #bigpinklink

    • pinkpearbear
      May 20, 2016 / 7:58 pm

      You’re so right. There was much less guilt is SE Asia when we were travelling. It’s a very British thing I think. Uhhuh I did! (It’s seriously easy fyi!) I bet you have had a Mary Poppins day. It’s just a day where you don’t loose your cool every 5 mins and do something fun with the kids!

  48. May 17, 2016 / 2:31 am

    The famous mummy guilt, we all do it so well! My daughters are babbling loads now that they are a bit older, I always wanted to do it more with them when they were younger and felt guilty that I didn’t but they are happy, healthy and now know how to bake so it all worked out! #bigpinklink

    • pinkpearbear
      May 20, 2016 / 8:14 pm

      See, that’s the thing isn’t it, it’s a waste of guilt as actually, we’re all doing a wonderful job!

  49. May 17, 2016 / 5:44 am

    Couldn’t have said it better myself! Sometimes as parents we are so caught up in what we “should” be doing we forget to just enjoy the here and now, like you said…they are still young and learning every day! Great post, thanks for sharing #bigpinklink

    • May 19, 2016 / 12:18 pm

      Thank you! Coulda, shoulda, woulda but we’re out of time comes to mind but it’s so untrue! There is loads of time really.

  50. May 17, 2016 / 6:29 am

    I’m always worrying about not doing enough with my littles so this was so refreshing to read and also put me at ease, I’m always far to hard on myself (probably like most Mums) and don’t celebrate what I have done, but I will from now on! On a side note, that quiche looks delicious!! Thanks for hosting lovely #bigpinklink x

    • May 19, 2016 / 12:17 pm

      Yay for us mums! We are rocking at motherhood however we’re doing it! Quiche is my ‘signature dish’ (meaning I’m pants at everything else. Except cake!)

  51. May 17, 2016 / 8:48 am

    Exactly!! We all put too much pressure on ourselves as parents, especially mummies who work too. This is a great post to bring us all back down to earth and certainly makes me feel better and a bit less guilty!! Thanks for hosting xx #bigpinklink

  52. May 17, 2016 / 9:00 am

    I often feel guilty that I’m not teaching my daughter enough, she’s 10 months old, but I feel like I should be teaching her how to stack and sort things. But when I do she’s clearly not interested wanting to play with the soil in the plant pot, or our internet booster. I think there’s a lot of pressure on us to do what we feel is right, when actually the simplest of things is a learning experience for them. You could get them cooking anything, and they will learn from that. Claire x #bigpinklink

    • May 19, 2016 / 12:15 pm

      This is so true, why do we feel this pressure?! I often feel like a swan, looks fine from the surface but underneath my feet are going frantically trying to stay afloat! There is so much time that we really don’t need to panic. My daughter started school not knowing a single phonic & 8 months on can read confidently.

  53. May 17, 2016 / 3:31 pm

    I think this feeling of guilt or angst is too common amongst mothers these days. I think social media has a lot to do with it because we see all these picture perfect moms doing pinterest projects like pros or cooking intricate meals from scratch or just looking oh so put together and we cant help but compare ourselves to them. Not fun. We just have to keep telling ourselves that social media is generally all smoke and mirrors and even the pinterest moms have off days >.<

    • May 19, 2016 / 11:27 am

      Soooo true! Some days are just not homemade cookie/edible play doh/hand knitted bib days & that is absolutely fine!

  54. May 17, 2016 / 8:53 pm

    I get this! It doesn’t help that people are always quick to remind you how they are only tiny for such a short time. You feel like you’ve got to constantly pack all this ‘fun’ stuff in before they get too big – I’m not sure why, because it is a bloody achievement just getting out of the house with a very small child! With a baby again I’m now appreciating how fab it is that my daughter is that little bit older – we have proper conversations, we do impulsive stuff together rather than having to plan it like a military operation. And sometimes we just sit and watch telly together – it’s brilliant! Enjoy cutting yourself some slack ๐Ÿ™‚ #bigpinklink

    • May 19, 2016 / 11:26 am

      This is a lovely comment. That is exactly it, people really seem to need to emphasise that your time with them is short. It’s so stressful. I am also loving being able to do spur of the moment things & not have to military plan it all.

  55. May 18, 2016 / 9:00 am

    Mum guilt & mum pressure seem to go hand in hand & they live 100% in our own minds! It’s great that you had that realisation. I’ve had it myself too! There is plenty of time to be a good mother. We can’t stress over it. Thank you for hosting #bigpinklink x

    • May 19, 2016 / 11:21 am

      It’s just crazy isn’t it?? I’m glad you’ve realised it too. We need to be kinder to ourselves!

  56. May 18, 2016 / 3:53 pm

    I’m so glad you are starting to free yourself from all that mum guilt! We will always think that we could be doing better because we actually want the best for our children but we shouldn’t feel guilty or compare ourselves too much. Mother’s will do their best to raise their children to be the best they can be and that is AMAZING! #bigpinklink

    • May 19, 2016 / 6:48 am

      Thank you! I am working on it. Mum guilt is such a pain!!

  57. May 18, 2016 / 7:27 pm

    Hell Yes. The thing I think about is, are they breathing, are they clothed, fed, watered, loved? Who cares about the rest, yes we do, but no one else does. You are doing a fab job #bigpinklink

    • May 19, 2016 / 6:47 am

      You’re so right. I need to just chill & breathe I think!! thank you.

  58. May 18, 2016 / 8:59 pm

    Absolutely agree! I feel like I’m constantly beating myself up for not doing enough or not doing anything meaningful with my kids. Well done on getting through a baking session with both kids unscathed! That quiche looks amazing! Thanks for hosting #BigPinkLink x

    • May 19, 2016 / 6:47 am

      We need to be kinder to ourselves don’t we? We need to realise that just being us is enough for our kids. Even if we only bring out the baking once a month! (If that!!)

  59. May 18, 2016 / 9:11 pm

    Nice to read an honest perspective. Social media in particular is full of ‘perfect’ parents. When in reality everyone is just doing their best and muddling through. #bigpinklink

    • May 19, 2016 / 6:45 am

      Oh thank you, I try & be as honest as possible. No one benefits from pretence at perfection!

  60. May 19, 2016 / 9:22 am

    What a wonderful post. I couldn’t have said it better myself.
    Made me smile and feel reassured in how i’ve done things with my kids.
    You have a lovely way with words.

    PS: That quiche – amazeballs! Looked delicious!x

    • May 19, 2016 / 11:20 am

      Oh thank you Gemma. That is so so nice to hear. I’m glad it made you smile. And yes, the quiche was amazeballs! My husband says it’s the one thing I cook really well. I’d be offended, but he’s right!!!

  61. May 19, 2016 / 1:07 pm

    Totally agree with everything (this is becoming a habit!)
    The thing is I often wonder where all these ‘perfect mums’ are as we all seem to be worried about everything we do! It’s so normal to think have we done enough, have we created the ‘perfect’ childhood. Sometimes just being there is good enough. Kids actually need very little in their lives, loving parents, cuddles and kisses and the odd icecream! Sadly some kids don’t even get that xx

    • May 19, 2016 / 7:33 pm

      You’re absolutely right. We are good mothers precisely because we worry about this sort of thing. It shows we obviously care. Thanks for making me feel even better!

  62. May 19, 2016 / 2:03 pm

    Oh I really love this – I need to take a leaf out of your book and spend less time stressing and more time enjoying what we do. Sometimes curled up with a movie is ok and it doesn’t make me a bad mum! Equally curled up with a movie after making a mug cake makes me a fab mum!! Thanks for hosting love #bigpinklink

    • May 19, 2016 / 7:32 pm

      You’re so right! I’m really glad you loved my post, we definitely need to celebrate ourselves. Movie & mug cake sounds perfect!

  63. May 21, 2016 / 6:31 am

    I can relate to this, I have had so many disastrous baking attempts with the kids, which has mainly been due to them being too small to have the attention span for it. I have noticed now, at nearly four, it is a lot easier. Although they still sometimes lose interest half way too. I always want to do all the ‘perfect mummy’ stuff but sometimes there are not enough hours in a day x

  64. May 21, 2016 / 10:44 pm

    Well said! & I have to say that some of the things we now all feel guilty if we’re not doing with our six month olds, I kind of suspect no one ever used to do with six month olds. Exactly as you point out here, I think many of these things, yes, they were done, but not with babies and toddlers. I think that might be a newer thing of pressure and competitiveness – the idea that we should all be creating amazing experiences with babies and pre-schoolers. I may be wrong, but I strongly suspect that our parents, and generations before that, baked with their kids when the kids were old enough to participate productively, sent them to ballet when the kids were old enough to want to go (& to stand!), etc – I’m not so sure they convinced themselves all these things needed doing before the kid turned 1! Not that there is anything wrong with doing those activities with babies & toddlers if you want to and enjoy it, but I don’t think there is any need to think it is some kind of failure if actually you decide that you can’t face the thought of letting a 10 month old make a cupcake! ๐Ÿ˜€ Babies & toddlers are entertained and educated by the simplest of things, and you can do the other activities later when they’re less stressful! #bigpinklink

  65. May 22, 2016 / 8:22 pm

    So glad I am not the only one. I was worrying that i was doing everything wrong from the moment I saw the positive line on the stick!! I think it’s a hazard of the mummy job. Youre doing amazing and they’re obviously happy. It makes the things you do do even more special. enjoy! That quiche was impressive too!!
    #bigpinklink #triballove

  66. May 23, 2016 / 6:33 pm

    I absolutely love this post, thanks so much! It’s a brilliant reminder of how high we set our own standards when here is absolutely no need! Your kids love just hanging out with you, whatever you’re doing. No fancy stuff needed. Having said that your quiche looks amazing! That is a massive achievement any day, never mind with kids! #bigpinklink

  67. April 11, 2017 / 1:47 pm

    There is so much pressure to be perfect all the time isn’t there? I love this Lou. It’s so refreshing to read about the successes in such a real and relatable way. None of us are perfect, but we’re all blimmin brill and we deserve to have the mum guilt just do-one! xx

    • April 13, 2017 / 8:41 pm

      Oh I’m so glad you enjoyed it. Some days I rock it, others I shove fish fingers under the grill before retreating to hide in the loo, that’s motherhood I suppose!! And yes, we are all awesome!!!xx

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