So I’m just sitting, feeling a bit meh, (technical term), because my baby girl has her last day at preschool tomorrow and then, after what is feeling like an increasingly short summer holiday, she is off to school.
Oh don’t get me wrong, it’s a lovely school, really lovely, and she is fairly excited and it’s very close by, but I just feel a huge sense of loss when I think about it. I really feel that when I watch her little uniformed figure disappear through those gates that a part of her will be lost to me forever. I am no longer in charge of what we do every day. I can’t decide to whisk them off on a midweek adventure day, just dropping an email or text to preschool explaining that she won’t be in.
Of course we will still have weekends and holidays but everywhere will be busier, noisier, with long queues for things. I feel this tremendous weight of all the things I wish I’d done with her while we still had the chance to go when it was quieter. It feels like an out of control juggernaut, time, steaming forward with me desperately trying to load it up with as many experiences as possible before it’s too late, hanging off the side with one arm, trying to encourage my reluctant children running alongside to keep up.
So I’ve decided to stop. I’m out of time now anyway. I don’t want a summer of stress and frantic attempts to enjoy ourselves while in reality, everyone will just end up miserable, hot and bothered. This summer is going to be….The Summer of Nothing,
There, it has a proper title now and so we will have to abide by it. This summer we will relax, have fun where we find it, take hours to go to the shop for an ice cream instead of chivvying them along everywhere, have water fights in the garden, pick blackberries, (they are ripe already, this isn’t right surely?!), see family, see friends and just take each day as it comes.
Life moves by so quickly, time ebbing away in a flurry of playdates and trips, mundane things like doing the washing and going to the supermarket, that I don’t want to waste any more of it. The amount of times we have planned a trip somewhere, teeth set on edge before we even make it out of the door thanks to dawdling, reluctance to move, lost shoes. Then far too long of the obligatory in car arguments over music choice, who is going to get out first etc etc. We have had tons of days out that were wonderful of course, but really, some of our very best days have been spent on a blanket in a field, playing Pooh sticks and eating squashed sandwiches.
Instead of flitting about trying to do everything, I want to just chill the hell out, stop trying to be a tour guide, standing up front, waving my umbrella about in the air while my children flop about and moan at the back, overtired and grumpy, looking for every opportunity to escape out of a side door into the sunshine, and just do Nothing. Oh, and take a lot of naps! Naps are good. That’s something we can hang onto from the baby days at least! 🙂
(This post was written in the aftermath of the ‘celebratory kiddy dinner with a few friends’ that graduated into a leaving party of around 30 kids and their mums! Amazing fun but I’m super tired and on a sugar and e-number crash down today! Let it also be noted that everyone brought something along and as a testament to their fabulousness, around 90% of it was sugar based! :D)
To cheer myself up, here is my hands down favourite YouTube video out there! 😀